I hate to brag but... look at this picture of my backyard!

A new website, perhaps?

Last week one of my friends had a pretty serious problem. Her father who lives somewhere in rural Chihuahua, Mexico was in a coma. I got into the mix because my friend doesn' t speak spanish and most people in rural Chiuahua, Mexico don't speak English. So Arnold and I are calling back and forth trying to extract information from the hospital staff. Normally this isn't so difficult, except that the line was very scratchy, oh and the staffer I was talking to was... how can I say this (nicely), uhm, I can't. She was one of those chismosa/judgy types.

Sample convo

Me: "Hi can you give me some info about (patients name here) condition? I am a friend of Renee's.

Judgy Nurse: I can't tell you whether he'll live or die today or next year. Tell her she has to come, he is all alone! (this part is somewhat accusing, at not true, he lives with his mother).

Me: I know, I understand your concern, but I really need to give her some information about what is really going on.

Judgy Nurse: He's very sick, she should come. (mounting emphasis on Nurses's part)

Me: I understand that, but can you explain his prognosis to me.

Judgy Nurse: No I CAN'T! Besides he's already at home.

Me: Then I guess he's not in a coma anymore.

And so it when on.... for another 10 minutes until I hung up, I wasn't getting anywhere and she was pissing me off.

When I related my experience to Arnold he just laughed. "Yeah, Latinos, we're like that"

Which of course, I know, but I never, ever learn.

After that I didn't really hear what happened until Renee called me today and said... "So, I think I am going to start a new website, it's going to be called Mexicansarecrazy.com. Apprently the reason that my Dad is in a coma is that he ate 4 times as much beef jerky as is allowed for his health condition. That is the equivalent of finding a diabetic unconscious in the bathroom after eating 5 pies or something. My Dad is going to eat himself to death! Can you imagine the eulogy? "My father was a good man, he loved beef jerky. He loved it more than life itself! No, literally!"

Well, okay then, I know comas aren't funny, but it was hard to contain myself during this whole conversation, because even though comas aren't funny, beef jerkey is always funny!

I guess next time my GAD tells me he has to get off the phone to attend to his very busy "peanut eating" schedule, instead of rolling my eyes I'll just be thankful that I don't have to worry about beef-jerkey induced comas. Actually my GAD says that he is losing weight and working out for his grandchildren. No word on where those "grandchildren" are going to come from.

Self-Help Mental Health Test

Recently someone asked me how you know if you are depressed and I have a very simple answer for everybody based on my own trial-and-error experiences. You know those Cymbalta commercials where they say "Where does depression hurt?" Watch one of those commercials and then you can gauge whether you are depressed based on your reaction.

1) Laugh at how stupid the background music is. =not depressed

2) Curl up into a ball and burst into tears while sobbing "It hurts everywhere" Boo-hoo-hoo!=depressed

There you go. Life advice from Dr. Amelie. :)

Now, I have to go, I have a very busy schedule of procrasinating on grad school related presentation/ watching the Food Network.

Indulgence Countinues

As I continue down my last two weeks of "vacation" I am still enjoying myself IMMENSELY! Last night, as part of my 2007 New Years Resolution to be less cheap about having fun we went to go see (drumroll....) So You Think You Can Dance. It was really fun!

One of the dancers is both a ballrom dancer and a lawyer. I think this is unfair. One shouldn't get to be good at more than one really challenging thing. Also she's like 28, which is pretty old for a dancer, which I also find reason to be jealous.

Other than that, Project "Vacation" has not been very exciting for the outside world. This is mostly oweing to the fact that I get to sleep WHENEVER I WANT TOO! It is so wonderful. It has also greatly improved my mood, a fact that I am sure Arnold would heartily attest too.

Anyways, I do now have a firm job offer in hand (Yay!) so indlugence won't be going on forever, but I do plan on enjoying myself for the next two weeks. Ideas anybody?

People pleaser

Today I met the former owner of our house. He came by to visit and told me a lot about the forest in the backyard. I now know that our backyard has prize-winning Camellias! And that the pine tree in the front yard is an extremely rare variety. Alas I forgot to ask him about the whole headstones in the backyard thing. But I digress.... I was quite nervous to let him in the house because we changed some parts a lot and you never know how people are going to feel about stuff like that... but he was awesome. He looked at the house, and said "Ohhh, it looks so wonderful and bright!" I am in some ways quite a people-pleaser (family members please stop laughing snidely in disbelief) so, basically that compliment made my day! I was afraid it was going to be like this HDTV cable show in which this octogenarian came back to his old house after it was sold and redecorated and said "This looks like sh*%^&//1" Seriously? I didn't know that 80+ people were allowed to swear! I must talk it over with my octogenarian buddies.

TV Chefs

I have somewhat of a small obsession with TV chefs. I spend long hours watching them chop, mix and talk wordily about food. My current favorite chef is Nigella Lawson... I like her because she is both decadent with her food and unabashedly verbose about her food descriptions. Plus she has a fantastic British accent and says things like "snaffle up avocados". Embarrassingly, I seem to only like the insanely beautiful TV chefs which I admit is quite shallow of me. I decided today that I love Padma Lakshmi, not just because she is beautiful (see shallow comment above) but because she dedicated three pages in her new cookbook to extolling the virtues of bacon. I really love bacon. Also I don't like ugly cookbooks. I am the sort of person who wants it all. I don't just want good, cheap, easy to cook recipes. I want them compiled in a book with full color pictures, preferably for 50% off. Mmmmm

First an apology....

I know, I know, first I tease you and then I bugger off for two weeks.

Seriously.

This is very bad blogging etiquette, plus I forget that some of my readers are in foreign countries and not able to just call me up and say "Where the heck are you?"

Okay, well my big announcement is that I quit my job. Today was my last day. I don't wish to discuss the reasons I decided to leave my job because I have a lot of respect for the company that I worked for. Besidesthe bigger news is that I am going to HAVE TIME OFF! I have not taken off more than two weeks since I graduated from college, and most time I do spend away from work I am usually in Colombia, which is great, but still. So the real news, is that for the next couple of weeks, I am going to be a VERY GOOD BLOGGER! Also, I am getting ready to go crazy on my house. And I am also preparing for the return of Amelie-"Food Network wannabe". Also on Wednesday I was in the third row of a Kelly Clarkson concert. Also, Kelly Clarkson is my new best friend... Also I am cutting my hair soon...

What kind of hair cut should I get? Mullets are off the table.

More to come (for reals this time, I promise)